meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
