she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
