I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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