okay pat passed out under dana's car
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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