I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
