I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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