just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
So squirting runs in the family.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We have started to decorate penises.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
