I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
