so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
