Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize