So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
