I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
