just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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