So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
