I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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