ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You made out with two different species that night
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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