How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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