They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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