My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
