so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
