The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
