Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just high enough for therapy.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
