pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
