Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
