can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
