do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
she peed on how many people?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
