in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
