Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
