We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
