no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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