its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
