dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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