Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize