You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
no, he came in my armpit
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
