Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
do herpes really smell.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
