I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
4 words: hood of his car
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
