You really coming over, don't trick.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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