I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize