YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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