I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
