Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
