anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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