just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
