forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
me + whiskey = a bad person
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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