either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
