Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
