A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
