Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
