Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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