Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
