How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
