you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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