I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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