I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
worst night to have a conscience
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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