benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want her autograph on my taint
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
