I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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