I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
