Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You need Xanax blowdarts
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize