She said her name was "party"
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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