Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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