we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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