I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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