I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
