tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
