what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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