All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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