Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I am full of burrito and curiosity
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm at about main and main street
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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