Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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