Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
