put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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