I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize