So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
