I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
