He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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